My life in 10 (or more) songs

Music is an absolute passion of mine. And I enjoy a variety of genres.

Hip Hop. Rock. Broadway. Pop. Rap. Native American. Celtic. Country. 

Old style hymns and modern worship. Even some metal.

To narrow down a list that I would call the soundtrack of my life is not easy.

Concerts, musicals, oh my!

I think about all of the concerts I’ve taken in over the years.

Alabama. Clint Black. Garth Brooks. Sawyer Brown. Charlie Daniels.

New Kids on The Block. Vanilla Ice. 

TobyMac. Newsboys (with and without Peter Furler). Manifest. Skillet.

The musicals…Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserable, Hairspray.

By no means an exhaustive list. I could easily list two dozen more acts.

So you see my problem, right? How do I pick just a handful of songs to represent my soundtrack?

I thought about the artists as well as favorite songs that really feel like they define parts of me.

My top 10 (or more)

In no particular order…other than how I remembered them. A portion of my life’s soundtrack.

“I Love a Rainy Night” by Eddie Rabbitt – country was my upbringing and this song always made me smile and dance.

“Some Girls Do” by Sawyer Brown – My absolute favorite country band ever! So hard to choose only 1 of their songs, but this particular one was an anthem to my teenage years. I followed them from when they were on Star Search… have been to dozens of their concerts, and I was super excited when I found out that lead singer Mark Miller is the producer for one of my favorite Christian bands, Casting Crowns.

“That’s My Job” by Conway Twitty – My father was a huge Conway Twitty fan and I cannot listen to the song without crying. I lost my father when I was just 25. And this song epitomizes the kind of man my Daddy was.

“I Cross My Heart” by George Strait – My wedding song. In honor and memory of my brother-in-law who died by suicide the year I got married. The day before my birthday that year in fact. Sometimes I listen to this with fondness. Sometimes I just can’t.

“Jesus Freak” by dcTalk – My introduction to Christian rap. And every 90s Christian kids’ battle cry. It felt a bit rebellious, and yet pointed straight to the Savior.

“Gone”, “Made to Love”, “Burn for You”, “Till the Day I Die”, “Move (Keep Walkin’) – OK, I know this is more than one song for the century but I am a huge, HUGE TobyMac fan!! I love the rhythm of his music, the diversity both and has a band physically as well as in the instruments utilized, and most importantly the words. I’ve been to dozens of his shows, Jesus freak cruise, and have every CD he’s ever made. His heart for God makes his music come alive.

“Phantom of the Opera” by Sarah Brightman & Michael Crawford – My favorite Broadway musical. My senior prom song. We were drama and chorus geeks, what can I say?

“He’s Alive” by Dolly Parton – In my opinion one of the best worship songs ever written or sung. It absolutely gives me chills every single time. And every time I hear it I am reminded of the great sacrifice made and the love the Father has for me.

“Monster” by Skillet – Skillet my favorite Christian rock band. This song resonates as I often struggle with keeping the ugliness of my humanity at bay when I feel hurt or wronged. It lets me know I’m not the only one and that helps me feel more normal.

“Cry for You”, “Welcome to America”, “ Good, Bad, Ugly”, “Tell the World” – Okay, again I couldn’t narrow it to just one for this artist. Lecrae is a phenomenal rapper with a heart for the Lord and for marginalized people. And he isn’t afraid to talk (or sing) about it. He’s bold yet humble…like I hope to be.

So there you have it. Songs that resonate with who I am and seasons of my life that defined me.

What does your life sound like?

 

Anxiety and God

This topic is one I’m trying to get more comfortable talking about. I’m learning how to define it in my life and how to normalize it for those around me.

And I’m learning how to cope with it.

I used to think that people who dealt with this particular issue just needed to get over it. Perhaps they needed to pray harder.

Then, what I was not able to understand in others, began to happen to me.

Anxiety.

Though mine was triggered via a traumatic event, looking back over my younger years, I can see traces of it throughout my life.

Anxiety’s Effects

Social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety are the two types I deal with.

Add these to a list of other chronic illness issues and life can feel really overwhelming some days.

Just getting dressed and getting out the door can feel like an insurmountable task.

Two choices emerge here. Let anxiety defeat me. Or let my God help me defeat it!

God’s Power In Us

We must remember that the power of the Holy Spirit, the very power that raised Jesus from the grave…LIVES IN US!

No matter how hard the day gets, I know that He is able. His word stands. His promises are true.

And that is my landing place. The safest space I know.

Scripture To Beat Anxiety

Here are some of my go-to verses when the anxiety tries to displace the light:

“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” ( 1 Peter 5:6-7 KJV)

“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6 HCSB)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.” (Proverbs 3: 5-6 HCSB)

“But You, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts up my head. I cry aloud to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain.Selah” ( Psalm 3: 3-4 HCSB)

“I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, Lord, make me live in safety.” ( Psalm 4:8 HCSB)

Standing in the shadow of the cross, my world shines brighter.

Yours can too.

Outside vs. Inside

I am excited to be a Guest Writer this week over at Becoming Beloved, by Cindy Grasso, the Discipleship Pastor at my church, Cape Christian.  Cindy has been an integral part of my journey over the last 18 months to really discovering and embracing who God says I am…I pray my story may touch someone else struggling with identity and image.  Just know, the world doesn’t hold the final word…Jesus does.

When your outside says you’re healthy but your mind knows otherwise…

December 2016 I stepped on my scale at home seeing a number I never thought I’d see.  A weight that at my very tall stature of 5’3” I knew was far from healthy and it sure wasn’t cute either!  I vowed then and there to change it.  This would be how all my problems with work and my marriage would be fixed I just knew it.

Click Here to see where my journey took me…

Roller coaster ride

My life has literally been a roller coaster this year.  It has been full of tears, fears, pain, heartbreak, distrust, trust regained, wounds, scars, and finally now…healing.

If you are struggling today, give it to Him…whatever healing you need, physical, mental or spiritual, He can handle it…He can heal any wounds, any illness, any hurt. And he is much better equipped to battle than you are. Let His strength be your comfort.

Another verse that has been a constant companion this year has been Psalm 28:7.  Psalms and Proverbs both are great places to start if you feel a need for comfort and wisdom.  So many rich little bits there!

My continued focus for this year is to keep my eyes on Him so that I will not stumble, fall, or be a stumbling block for someone else. My biggest problem is and has been worry…when I forgot to give everything to Him, when I do not spend time in prayer and His word…I find myself slipping back into a pattern of worry, fretfulness, easy to be angered, upset, thinking the worst in all situations, seeing things in a worse light than what they truly are.

It is only when I begin to pray and read His word more diligently that I become centered and grounded again in the truth that He proclaims over us…the power of His love, grace and mercy. God let my focus stay on you…lest I worry myself into a frenzy over something you have already defeated and won victory over.

If I can just remain focused on Him and not on my situation, everything becomes much calmer…more peaceful…not fixed maybe, but hopeful at least.  I leave you with this illustration…

Now arm yourselves with Biblical weapons and go SLAY!

Battling the “C” word

For all who are in this battle:

Cancer…one word can change everything. Plans for tomorrow, plans for next week, next month, next year. Will I even be here next year you might think. What to tell those you love. What to tell co-workers. What to tell yourself.

And what to ask God. WHY ME? That is the most common question. Anger, bitterness, fear…all are to be faced over and over again. Such a surprise you never hoped for.

He is not surprised though. He has not been caught unaware by your diagnosis. He is not fearful…He is not angry, even when you are. And go ahead and ask your questions. He can handle your emotions and He knows it does not mean you no longer believe in Him. It just means you are human…you cannot see the future like He can.

You cannot see the hills He is preparing to help you climb. Maybe because you are immobile in the valley you fear you will not ever get out of. You can trust what you cannot see…He has you under the shelter of His wings. He holds every tear you have cried or ever will cry. He will carry you when you cannot stand. Do not give up. Do not quit trusting.

This is obviously not the plan you would have chosen however He has control here…He will work this for your good.